Step 9: The Best 5 Tips for Living Amends

Don’t deal with him when he is very drunk, unless he is ugly and the family needs your help. Wait for the end of the spree, or at least for a lucid interval. Then let his family or a friend ask him if he wants to quit for good and if he would go to any extreme to do so. If he says yes, then his attention should be drawn to you as a person who has recovered. You should be described to him as one of a fellowship who, as part of their own recovery, try to help others and who will be glad to talk to him if he cares to see you. Perhaps you are not acquainted with any drinkers who want to recover.

Support Your Recovery

• « Joykiller, nag, wet blanket » – that’s what they said.
• Understanding myself now, I fared forth in high hope.
• Regardless of the response, making amends is a critical step in your recovery.
• As we shall see, he now means a great deal to his community, and the major liabilities of thirty years of hard drinking have been repaired in four.
• If interacting with someone re-traumatizes you, or increases your risk of relapse, you might want to reconsider approaching them.

During the interrogation of the valet in the restaurant parking lot, my husband became so violent the officer put him in the back of the patrol car. When he tried to kick out the rear windows, the policeman retaliated. I pleaded with the officer as a second policeman arrived, and both bride and groom were taken to jail. It was then that the “stolen” marijuana cigarettes were discovered, to my horror, in central booking as they catalogued my belongings.

• Unlike direct or indirect amends, which might be one-time actions, living amends involve actively demonstrating changed behavior over time to show accountability for past actions.
• It highlights the essential work of aligning one’s actions with values, moving away from past behaviors, and towards a meaningful and forthright way of living life sober.
• We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning.
• We were able to stay on site in special offices set aside for us to conduct our job search.
• Fear froze me in my tracks, but the instant I turned back toward home, this paralyzing fear left me.
• Post-war disillusionment, ever more serious alcoholism, impending mental and physical collapse, brought him to the point to self-destruction.

Reaching Out to Those We’ve Harmed

• The next morning I woke up in county jail, about 100 miles from home.
• Finding a resolution to these problems means coming up with answers and solutions and laying them to rest.
• My family lived in very prosperous circumstances, and while both my parents drank, sometimes too much, neither was an alcoholic.
• It was our responsibility to see that they had food and stayed out of trouble.
• I lost my FAA medical certificate because of my diagnosis of alcoholism, and the FAA issued an emergency revocation of all my licenses.

A person with a drinking problem does not have. From the very beginning I felt different and unwanted. At a very young age, as living amends meaning children do, I had to make sense out of my life, so I came to the conclusion that I was bad and God knew I was bad, so God made me handicapped to punish me. I thought that the ndertow of sadness in my family was because of me. my handicap, but there was still a lot of grieving going on. My father turned to alcohol and was a very angry man.

Are There Times When Direct Amends Are Not Advisable?

The AA Big Book emphasizes the importance of being willing to make amends for the harm we have caused, while also avoiding causing further harm in the process. It encourages thoughtful and responsible actions in the process of making amends. More general quotes regarding the process can still be helpful, like, “I don’t want to just say I am sorry, I want to show in my actions I am truly making amends”. This ongoing nature of making amends can lead to self-healing by alleviating the stress tied to previous behaviors, potentially averting relapse. In the making of an amend, be prepared for a variety of reactions including acceptance, indifference, or even outright hostility. It’s definitely central to respect the desires of individuals who opt out and to concentrate on your recovery, rather than on achieving forgiveness or easing personal guilt.

The AA Amends Script: A Full Breakdown and PDF

They found me sprawled across the living room floor, passed out cold. It took very little persuasion to convince me to go into the detoxification program at the local hospital. I knew I was in trouble; I was ashamed and heartbroken that I had caused her such hurt. Seven days in detox and eight weeks of really good help from a psychologist, and I was dry, sober, and ready to face the world again.

• A few of us have had these growing pains and they hurt a great deal.
• Could have the benefit of this type of sponsorship today.
• We drank tequila and explored the red mesas together.
• I did ninety meetings in ninety days, got a sponsor, and joined a home group.
• The bottles of cognac and Benedictine I’d brought as gifts for them I drank in little hotel rooms miles before I got there.

I was caught in a cycle of alcohol and sedation that was proving inescapable, and consciousness had become intolerable. These last eighteen years have been the happiest of my life, trite though that statement may seem. Fifteen of those years I would not have enjoyed had I continued drinking.

Committing to Changed Behavior

Short dry spells ended in heavy drinking. I tried to hide my drinking by going places where I was unlikely to see anyone I knew. Hangovers and remorse were always with me. I went to that alcoholism symptoms meeting – a small women’s group. Someone greeted me and I muttered my name aloud.